confession of a dreamer ♥: 2009.08

8.30.2009

how much i missed him

and by 'him' i mean no one other than keito =(

i miss him and i feel like WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
wondering why i feel like this.....

8.17.2009

another special day or maybe just usual but I really do think today is special

maybe this day is special, i don't know.

but look, now is raining. it's never raining in august! maybe this year God gives his love and blessings to Indonesia a little bit more than He did last year. FYI, rain always boosts up my mood. and that's a good thing. when there's nothing special in a day, rain always changes everything. every raining day is special to me :DD

another unusual event: if you notice, i posted 3 posts in-a-row today! what a O_o!!

and another one: i just watched merah-putih woohoo!! gue tadinya tertarik banget buat nonton tuh film gara2 gue abis liat posternya yang terpampang gede2 di dean senayan city! (korban iklan hehehehe) berikut adalah alasan2 kenapa gue sangat tertarik nonton film indonesia yang seblomnya ga pernah gue lirik sdikitpun(apalagi film perang):

1) posternya keren. CGnya keren. editannya keren. memunculkan suasana 'nostalgic' entah darimana. ga kea poster film2 indonesia laennya, di mana sang tokoh utama(biasanya wanita berjilbab ato asusila yang pake baju super ketat dan bertekuk pinggang sampe kea mau patah) berpose ato tersenyum di depan, di sampingnya ada cowo yang biasanya adalah 'lover' dari tokoh utama tadi. trus di sampingnya lagi ada saingan cintanya deh jreng jreng jreng. backgroundnya, antara kamar tidur yang sok di pink2-in ato piramid dengan unta di depannya. oh, btw deskripsi ini ga berlaku buat film2 horor indonesia sih... hahaha

2) DARIUS SINATHRYA NYA CAKEEEEEP! ahahaha. sejujurnya cowo cakep itu selalu membuat suasana lebih exciting. dan kalo boleh lebih jujur lagi, gue rasa darius sinathrya sendiri orangnya ga terlalu jago akting(kalo lo uda nonton merah putih, lo bsa liat siapa aktor yang aktingnya PALING JELEK dari mereka semua)... mungkin dia ditambahin buat sekedar 'promosi' biar cewe2 pada niat nonton semua(terbukti ampuh, dammit). but whatever. cowo cakep ag pernah salah uahahahaha :PPPP

3) trailer itu menjebak oke... kalo lo nonton trailer merah putih, lo bakal geregetan banget ngebet nontoooon! trailernya itu menghadirkan kesan keren; beda dari film2 indo laennya, agak menjurus ke action2 hollywood bahkan... mana aktingnya ga lebay lagi... pokoknya trailernya keren banget deh! hahahaha.

4) merah putih sendri bukan macemnya film2 tipikal indonesia yang jalan ceritanya gampang BANGET ditebak hanya dengan melihat posternya(baca alesan no 1): biasanya si tokoh utama itu awalnya culun. eh dia ketemu sama belahan jiwanya. terus lalalililulu deh mereka berdua. muncul pasangan baru yang berbahagia. sampe di sini film terlihat tenang, damai dan kekal abadi. sampe suatu saat muncul si saingan. kekasih dari tokoh utama hampir direbut, dan entah bagaimana si saingan ini selalu sukses mengadu domba pasangan baru ini, pokoknya terakhir2 pasti si tokoh utama ama kekasihnya berantem2 gara2 saling ga percaya gitu. menjelang akhir film, bisa ketebak bahwa kebaikan selalu menang. tipikal banget deh. seandenya ada versi laen pun, paling tokoh utamanya dibikin ketauan ngidap penyakit thypicallus synnethronus alias penyakit umum dari semua sinetron: sebuah penyakit kronis yang ga bisa disembuhin; yang bikin pada akhirnya si tokoh utama ini bunuh diri demi 'kebahagiaan kekasih hidupnya'. wa bener2 mantep deh, ngikutin golden rule banget. sejujurnya gue bingung kenapa orang2 masih mau masuk bioskop buat nonton film begituan, bayar 35 rebu rupiah(kalo ga pake kartu bca), belon ditambah biaya popcorn dan aqua, sementara gue pribadi udah bsia langsung menduga apa yang bakal diputer di dalem bioskop itu berikut adegan2nya, mulai dari prolog sampe epilog, ketebak semua. kalau ada yang meneydhkan dari rakyat indonesia, itu adalah kenyataan bahwa mereka belom bisa mengelola uang mereka dengan bijaksana. ckckck.

5) katanya sih... katanya pihak hollywood terlibat dalam pembuatan film ini--menurut mama saya, di special efeect perang-nya. penasaran ga sih? gue atdinya beranggepan mungkin film ini bsia ajdi film perang indonesia pertama yang (mungkin bsia ga kalah dari film2 hollywood. kenyataannya? liat pembahasan berikut.

ya, jadi itulah alesan2nya. akhirnya, di tanggal yang paling cocok untuk nonton film patriotik itu (baca: HARI KEMERDEKAAN INDONESIA) gue pun (bersama sepupu gue yang ga lebih baik dari gue dalem hal tertipu oleh iklan) nonton film yang udah lama gue gebet buat nonton ini. hasilnya?

1) kalo dalem skala 1-10, biasanya film indo gue kasih nilai 3, paling bagus 4, yang ini gue kasih 7,5-8 lah. tapi sejujurnya GUE BENER2 KETIPU SAMA TRAILERNYA OKE. kalo filmnya emang sekeren trailernya, gue bisa kasih sampe 9. sayang, trnyata dimana2 orang yang kerjaannya bikin trailer itu selalu lebih handal dari sutradara film itu sendiri.
emang sih, kalo dibandingin sama film2 indo laennya, wahahaha uda kea jet tempur dan kura2 deh. beneran. tapi tetep aja, sutradara film ini belom berhasil mengolah adegan2 yang ngebosenin jadi more exciting.

2) cowo cakep itu emang ternyata kebanyakan air-headed alias otaknya kosong melompong. ermh kecuali suami hari esok gue, iya dia cakep dan pinter juga hehehe. back to topic, intinya darius sinathrya itu ga bisa akting. oh well, okelah bisa. cuma ga jago. kalah dari siapapun yang maenin thomas(tokoh utama asal sulawesi) di film itu. tatapan matanya si thomas wets hahaha. sayang mukanya mas2 kuli bangunan banget. yaa pokoknya si darius sinathrya itu cuma letoy2 kea banci doang di sepanjang film. mungkin karena perannya juga sebagai prajurit cemen kali ya. tapi kalo gitu, seenggaknya di akhir film dia dibikin keren dikit napa. biasanya kan cowo cupu akhir2nya jadi keren(contoh konkrit: jamesmcavoy di film 'wanted'). penulis skenarionya cupu aaaaah.

3) oke, kalo lo denger film berjudul 'merah putih', apa sih yang lo bayangin? otomatis langsung ngarah ke film2 perjuangan gitu kan? masalahnya. sejujurnya nih gue nganggep film ini terlalu banyak drama sama leluconnya. okelah leluconnya cukup bagus buat dijadiin penahan rasa kantuk, biar kita ga bosen, biar sepanjang film alias kita ga cuma bsia berkerut liatan adegan2 berdarah, tapi serius deeeeeeh. lo liat trailernya, keliatan keren banget tuh sgala macem perangnya. aslinya? wuiidih gue bisa ketiduran kalo perangnya cemen kea gitu(cuma ungkapan, jangan diartikan secara harafiah). ahahahaha. ternyata sepanjang film, perangnya cuma sedikit di bagian awal(ini yang super cemen), lebih sedikit lagi di bagian tengah(ini gak cemen tapi juga ga seru), dan yang keren cuma di akhir2ya doang. boleh lah, efeknya ga kalah sama hollywood. tapi jangan harap adegan perangnya bisa nyaingin film hollywood yang paling cemen sekalipun.

4) intinya, film ini jauh di atas rata2 film indonesia, tapi ga bakal memuaskan kalo lo nonton trailernya dulu sbelom nonton aslinya. tapi gue sarankan LO HARUS NONTON. seenggaknya bsia dijadiin contoh salah satu film indonesia yang paling tidak gagal sampe saat ini. oiya, banyak yang nanya, sama laskar pelangi bagusan mana? beda tau. jangan dibandingin gitu dong. laskar pelangi kan lebih fun, ringan, dan sejujurnya--ceritanya rada2 konyol. kalo yang ini, yaaaah agak2 (di)berat(2in) lah, lebih patriotis, dan emang bukan film buat anak2. pesan moral yang terkandung aja beda. kalo ditanya lebih suka mana, gue lebih enjoy nonton laskar pelangi, tapi gue lebih admire merah putih. kalo ada yang bner2 bikin gue kagum sama film merah putih in, adalah rekonstruksi latar tempatnya sangat sesuai... bner2 mirip desa beneran. ga heran biaya produksinya sampe milyaran.

jadi... begitulah. nonton merah putih ya teman2. gue bener2 beruntung, bisa nonton emrah putih di tanggal 17 agustus. gue bakal simpen tiketnya buat selamanya, secara judul film yang ditonton sama tanggal nontonnya 'klop' banget ahahaha. lumayan kalo mau dijadiin bukti bahwa gue juga bsai patriotis. ehehehe.

udah dulu ah, byeeeee

good news, maybe??

some good news are always the best when your life is covered by dark cloud of misery :D

good news one: my mom bought a laptop! there's no words to explain my feelings except 'WOOHOOO!" at last! xD well it's not literally a laptop. just a small, black netbook from acer. matter fact it's not mine; it's my mom's. but you know how busy a housewife is and i think i can use the netbook while my mom's doing her job *hahahaha, evil laugh* maybe my friends have bigger, better, and more expensive laptops. but whatever, at least i have my own and i'm happy with it. i can easily use the internet(my house has wi-fi) and that's mroe than enough for me :DDD

there's no good news two. ahahaha. there's only one good news.

ah, but, people, i really want to say goodbye to this blog skin. i want to change it. i'm a girl who loves to change her blogs skins randomly--i can't stand using the same template for months. it makes me bored.

so, to the blog skin i currently use, thanks for being a nice blog skin(?) that makes my blog wonderful :DDD thanks for all your hard work till this day. thanks for whoever designed it. thanks to whoever published it. thanks to myself because i found it xPP

ahh, i'm so narcissistic T.T
hahahaha

okay then, i will go to puri mall to watch red-white(merah-putih iahahaha)
cya then.

berkibarlah merah-putih

pertama-tama, khusus buat post ini gue harus menghilangkan kebiasaan sok inggris gue dan memakai bahasa indonesia. alasannya... tak lain tak bukan... yep, karena hari ini Hari Ulang Tahun Negara Kesatuan Republik Indonesiaaa! yang ke-64, hehehehe. sebenernya ga ada yang khusus sih hari ini. cuma ada dorongan entah darimana yang bikin gue pengen ngucapin selamat secara khusus di blog gue, terutama karena blog ini uda agak lama ga diupdate2 hehehehe.

sooo... selamat ulang tahun, indonesia. gue tau, seandainya para pahlawan masih hidup, mereka bakal kecewa ngeliat produk bangsa yang pada gagal-gagal ini (termasuk gue). maaf ya indonesia. maaf ya para pahlawan. maaf karena gue ga pernah setulus hati mencintai negeri ini.

cium & peluk (ahahahaha ga banget)
~valya

8.11.2009

no future or brighter one?

first of all, people, i wanna thank my Mom for crashing all of my dreams, all my life purposes for the past 6 years, since i was in the 4th grade; the dreams i've had together with my best friends; the dreams i never knew will be crashed this fast.

people are asking--many of them don't know, of course, why i seemed so emotional these days. the answer is only one: what if you lost your dream before you even get the chance to try it?

that's exactly what happened to me. let me ask you, people, what is the use of coming to school everyday, trying to become the smartest student, trying not to mess up everything you've been working on, trying to study hard while most of other students are playing computer and their facebooks and enjoying their spare time? the answer is again, only one: to get scholarship.

and the main question is: what will happen if the person i trusted the most, who practically rules everything about me, who always decides what is right and wrong for me, FORBID ME TO TAKE THE SCHOLARSHIP?

i've got the answer right here: i hate that person now.

imagine this. you only have 6 years to live and your dream is to go to heaven. you know that you can not enter heaven unless you could become the kindest person in the whole world. but you really want it, so you've spent your lifetime trying to become the kindest person. you avoid bad things--you do only goods. and it wasn't any easy. you have to control yourself not to follow other people who enjoys their lifetime doing inappropriate things. and at the end of the world, your chance finally come--it's the time to decide whether you can enter heaven or not. but the truth is you know you're ready cause you've been working for it. you know you can enter heaven. but suddenly at the heaven's door gate, an angel said this to you: "i forbid you to enter that heaven."
than you replied, "why?" and the angel said, "it's your sister who has to enter heaven, not you."
of course you then complained, "why my sister? she didn't do any good when she's alive. i was the good girl. not her. i deserve entering heaven way more than her."
but instead, the angel replied, "but SHE WAS BORN FIRST. and that's my final. PERIOD."

...if this happens to you, don't you wanna kill the angel or something?
let me explain this to you. that story means nothing other than the fact that you can lose your dream, and that's NOT because you have no ability to reach it--but it's because SOMEBODY FORBID YOU TO. which means other thing: a useless, futile, misspent 6 years in vain.

exactly what happened to me, okay? and this thing leads into another: i've broken my promise to take the scholarship together with my best friends. now i have to find a new dream. a new life purpose. cause this one is already crashed. and i have no chance at all to try to work it out. very... what do you call it? hmm, let me think,... i choose to call it: DISASTROUS.

i've been crying all night long. i sang 'the climb' by miley cyrus again and again so that i can get power to go through this. and i've been praying.

people said when a door of happiness is closed, God will open another one. maybe this is my fate. maybe this will lead into a brighter future. but there's one thing i never understand:

God, if you know that I will end up like this, why did You let me have an empty dream which is impossible to be reach? why did You let me spending useless 6 years dreaming? and why do You let my hopes get high before it finally fell off from a very high place, making it more painful?

now give me one good reason why i have to keep going to school and having good grades. cause i don't see any.

one lesson i learn from this: dreams and future are different things.

actually, i calmed down. i do realize that this isn't the end of the world. but can you imagine losing your dreams you've been having for 6 years?
like you just broke up with someone you've been dating for 6 years. of course you know it's not the end of the world. but can you immediately cheer up again the next second? who can? this wound needs time to heal, okay? i know i can find another dream--that's how it works. but please understand that i'm not a super girl who can handle everything. i tolerate almost everything except this one--sounds so lame huh.

8.05.2009

puri mall again!

oke, sebar aib sebar aiiiib! intinya, puri mall adalah tempat tumpahnya segala macem aib gue.

ato lebih tepatnya, HARI INI BETUL2 PENUH AIB OH TUHAN.

aib satu: GUE MENGGENDUT.
yeah, bagi orang yang pernah ketemu langsung sama gue, keliatannya harusnya hal ini membahagiakan bukan? hahahaha. awalnya juga gue mikir gitu say. sampe sesuatu terjadi.

intinya, gue pernah nanya pas lagi makan di resto sushi ama nci gue,
gue: "kenapa sushi salmon sama sushi salmon belly harus dibedain? kan sama-sama salmon."
nci: "karena salmon belly lebih enak, dodol."
gue: "kenapa bagian belly-nya salmon lebih enak?"
nci: "karena lebih berlemak, stupid."
gue: "kenapa lebih berlemak!???"
nci: "KARENA DARI SANANYA. OH TUHAN. kalo berlemak ya berlemak aja. ga usah ditanya-tanyain. perut adalah bagian paling berlemak dari makhluk hidup manapun!" ---> kecuali tumbuhan yang ga punya perut.

*attention: bagian percakapan di atas sudah didramatisir secara lebay*
oke, terus gue mikir, sambil refleks ngintip ke perut gue sndiri, bener juga sih. kalo kita makan banyak, apsti perut gue duluan yang gendut. baru nyusul tangan, terus pipi, terus kaki da lain-lain...

tapi hal itu GA BERLAKU BAGI GUE.
karena di tubuh gue ini, kalo gue makan banyak, bagian yang bakal 'menggembul' ya satu2nya cuma PERUT, intnya tangan ato kaki ato pinggang ato bagian lain mana pun dari tubuh gue ga bakal keliatan lebih berisi SEDIKITPUN. ehm, oke, kecuali dagu gue, yang membuat makin lama gue makin mirip morimoto hiks.

ya intinyaaa. belakangan gue menggendut. yang tak lain tak bukan memiliki efek langsung: PERUT GUE JADI BUNCIT! kemudian, efek langsung ini langsung menyebabkan efek ga langsung: JEANS DAN CELANA GUE JADI PADA GA MUAT. oke ya bisa lah dimuat2in, itu juga kalo gue makenya sambil nahan napas.
tapi ternyata yang namanya bencana ga bisa dihindari :(

ceritanya... hari ini gue dengan suksesnya pergi sndirian ke puri mall (mau beli bando). nyokap nolak ikut. jadi deh gue pergi sndiri (toh kalo gue diculik nyokap ini yang bakal nebus). terus gue cari bando di KERIS GALLERY. tebak harganya brapa? RP 60.000,-!!! GILA, MENDING BELI KOMIK 4 BIJI! hahahaha. akhirnya gue 'lari' deh ke stroberi, yang dijamin harganya lebih murah.

di stroberi, gue dengan biasa2 aja keliling nyari bando. dapet deh satu. terus gue dengan pede-nya jalan ke kasir. terus kan gue jalan sambil berdiri ya iyalah masa gue jalan sambil jongkok), eh terus gue ngelewatin SPG yang jongkok di samping jalan mnuju aksir kan, dia noleh ke gue terus membisikkan sesuatu yang kedengeran seperti, "&(_*~@!#$^Z&_& GA DIBUKA."
gue: "hah?"
dia: "~@^()$(~@&**(#$ KEBUKA." (--> sedikit lebih jelas)
gue: "maaf?"
dia: "itu mbak, RESLETINGNYA KEBUKA."

ADAOW.

malu abis!! ya ampuuuun. rupanya gara2 gue maksain pake celana yang uda ampir ga muat, resletingnya jadi kebuka. ahhaha. terus abis itu gue dengan sok coolnya jawab, "oh, yaudah, makasih mbak" terus menaikkan resleting gitu. hahahaha. mungkin si mbak2 SPG itu mikir dalem hati, "ni orang ga waras. resletingnya kebuka kok reaksinya cuma 'ya udah'?"

GUE GAMAU KE STROBERI LAGIII. well, at least not with my zipper opened. mulai skrg tiap kali gue mau ke tempat umu, yeah, first thing to do, check the zipper.

aib dua: MULUT GUE MASIH PERAWAN.

dalem arti gue belon mendapat kesempatan bilang 'i love u' ke petugas sour sally manapun. hahahaha. sebenernya ini bukan aib sih. aibnya adalah, nama gue masih sukar untuk dieja. my cousin said that my name is like once in a lifetime. well maybe it is. tapi yang jelas hari ini gue ke sour sally puri mall lagi. dan seperti biasa gue uda ga yakin nama gue ga dieja dengan benar.
padahal gue pas ditanya "atas nama siapa kak?"
gue udah ejlas2 jawab "valya. V-A-L-Y-A."
keluarnya tetep FALYA tuh.
the question is: ada yang tau ga gimana cara ganti nama?

aib tiga: GUE GAGAL MELUPAKAN KEITO :D
this one need no explanation.

oke sampe disitu aja aib gue.
keanya masih ada 1 lagi tapi gue lupa apa :D
so, i'm off for now.
~XOXO
valya

8.02.2009

end of the relationship

when something starts, it has to end anyway. nothing is forever in this world; at least most thing aren't.

and the last thing i ever want to do in this world is to lose my lovelife, which is--you don't even have to ask--keito. but i'm forced by the condition and i know with my condition now, not only i will never be able to reach you, but i will also lose my dream to spend this life with you huaaa =(

okay, are you guys confused? let me explain.

I HAVE DECIDED TO STOP LOVING KEITO FOR A WHILE. because of some reasons. don't freak out. hahaha.

look, so this is why. i'm trying to pretend to be blind to the fact that eversince i liked keito and HSJ, my grades are falling. yes it's true. i'm no more ashamed to admit that =( maybe you think i'm okay with my grades dropping 'cause i still have keito--well, maybe i am at the first place. but now i know how wrong that thought was.

i always wanted to study to japan. maybe my mom thinks tat this is a temporary passion caused only by my obsession to keito; but this sure is NOT. i really really want to go there. and to be honest, without the scholarship, the possibility to go to japan is like... under 30%. my prediction, it's close to 0% unless something miraculous happens.

but we all know that miracle doesn't always happen, right?

so how could i get a scholarship if my grades are dropping like this?? if i truly love keito, my obsession for him won't cause any negative damage to my life, right? and i realize that i did the wrong way to show my love for him; if i truly love him, i would be studying hard so that i can get the scholarship and the possibility to go to japan is opened widely; NOT looking at his pictures at my computer for hours and then forget to study which caused my grades falling and fail to get a scholarship and never be able to marry him forever.

and the only way to fix this situation, is--sad to say this--to stop using my computer. that way i won't be disturbed by unnecessary things and will be able to fix my grades.

sad that this way will also forbid me to see keito ever again :(

but i have to think this as a serious problem. maybe you think i'm pretending to be mature, but i have to get ready for my future. 4 years isn't a long time--it's short. and if i don't get ready for my future now, when else should i?

so i guess this is the end of our relationship ;) hahaha. the relationship which doesn't exist from the first place. it's funny to write this because some of it are just fictional, hahahaha. but whatever. at least what i feel about my grades and future, they're my true feelings.

last but not least, i want to write my last message for keito--i already posted some of this on my plurk, facebook and twitter but you know 140 characters aren't enough to describe my feelings:

baby boy, it's been a wonderful 6 months. you don't know how happy i was to love you--everyday seems to be a new start, a new power that moves my whole world. i experienced what love and obsession is. i also got new friends and everything seems to be more interesting than ever. it still does, actually.. but i choose to leave u for a little while, please understand 'cause this is all for you. it hurts to leave this world--now i'm taking a different path. but please wait for me, i will be at your side again when i know i'm ready. lastly, i wanna say i love u, i love u, i always love u, and i will never unlove u. keep shining like a star in the sky ;) i know you can do it, baby boy.

my best regards,
XOXO
valya

...[well, i guess i just broke up with him. ROFLMAO. :D]