8.02.2009

end of the relationship

when something starts, it has to end anyway. nothing is forever in this world; at least most thing aren't.

and the last thing i ever want to do in this world is to lose my lovelife, which is--you don't even have to ask--keito. but i'm forced by the condition and i know with my condition now, not only i will never be able to reach you, but i will also lose my dream to spend this life with you huaaa =(

okay, are you guys confused? let me explain.

I HAVE DECIDED TO STOP LOVING KEITO FOR A WHILE. because of some reasons. don't freak out. hahaha.

look, so this is why. i'm trying to pretend to be blind to the fact that eversince i liked keito and HSJ, my grades are falling. yes it's true. i'm no more ashamed to admit that =( maybe you think i'm okay with my grades dropping 'cause i still have keito--well, maybe i am at the first place. but now i know how wrong that thought was.

i always wanted to study to japan. maybe my mom thinks tat this is a temporary passion caused only by my obsession to keito; but this sure is NOT. i really really want to go there. and to be honest, without the scholarship, the possibility to go to japan is like... under 30%. my prediction, it's close to 0% unless something miraculous happens.

but we all know that miracle doesn't always happen, right?

so how could i get a scholarship if my grades are dropping like this?? if i truly love keito, my obsession for him won't cause any negative damage to my life, right? and i realize that i did the wrong way to show my love for him; if i truly love him, i would be studying hard so that i can get the scholarship and the possibility to go to japan is opened widely; NOT looking at his pictures at my computer for hours and then forget to study which caused my grades falling and fail to get a scholarship and never be able to marry him forever.

and the only way to fix this situation, is--sad to say this--to stop using my computer. that way i won't be disturbed by unnecessary things and will be able to fix my grades.

sad that this way will also forbid me to see keito ever again :(

but i have to think this as a serious problem. maybe you think i'm pretending to be mature, but i have to get ready for my future. 4 years isn't a long time--it's short. and if i don't get ready for my future now, when else should i?

so i guess this is the end of our relationship ;) hahaha. the relationship which doesn't exist from the first place. it's funny to write this because some of it are just fictional, hahahaha. but whatever. at least what i feel about my grades and future, they're my true feelings.

last but not least, i want to write my last message for keito--i already posted some of this on my plurk, facebook and twitter but you know 140 characters aren't enough to describe my feelings:

baby boy, it's been a wonderful 6 months. you don't know how happy i was to love you--everyday seems to be a new start, a new power that moves my whole world. i experienced what love and obsession is. i also got new friends and everything seems to be more interesting than ever. it still does, actually.. but i choose to leave u for a little while, please understand 'cause this is all for you. it hurts to leave this world--now i'm taking a different path. but please wait for me, i will be at your side again when i know i'm ready. lastly, i wanna say i love u, i love u, i always love u, and i will never unlove u. keep shining like a star in the sky ;) i know you can do it, baby boy.

my best regards,
XOXO
valya



...[well, i guess i just broke up with him. ROFLMAO. :D]

by valya :) at 15:47 |